The day Itachi finally snapped
by Zombiewombat
Summary: Itachi has lost it and will do whatever is necessary to help his beloved Sasuke. Sasuke fans STAY AWAY! Story does contain spoilers. Meant to be humorous.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

One day Itachi was strolling through the Konoha forests thinking of his favorite little brother, Sasuke.

"I wonder what Sasuke is doing right now," thought Itachi. "Probably scheming about how to kill me. You know what? I'm tired of Sasuke being in the dark about my feelings. If I love him so much, why do I let him hate me? I think I'll go and try to sort this whole thing out right now!"

Suddenly Itachi heard his name being called.

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH !"

"Crap!" thought Itachi" I can't believe I forgot about Kisame! He'll ruin all my plans!"

"What is it Kisame?" Itachi called for the fiftieth time today.

"You know those berries you said were poisonous wellllllllll, I kinda ate them."

"Perfect! Now I can finally see Sasuke!"

"What did you say they did? Make whoever eats them spit out their lungs? I think that was it… BBLARGH!

For a moment there was complete silence. Itachi listened just to make sure he was dead.

"Yep," called Kisame, "that was it" followed by a loud thump.

"I I I'm free," Itachi thought.

"I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! screamed Itachi at the top of his lungs.

"Here I come Sasuke. Your big brother's coming to see you!" Itachi said with a frightening childish grin creeping across his face, for the first time since he joined the Akatsuki.

"And nothing's going to stop me!" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

**Also this takes place right at the beginning of Shippuden, if you're wondering. All the Akatsuki members are still alive (for now).**

**OK I know what you're probably thinking That SUCKED but it will get better. (I hope) Remember this is only the first chapter be sure to check back. And REVIEW it will feed the hungry minds of the uninspired. BYE!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Once again I do not own Naruto**

As Itachi runs off to look for Sasuke, a pair of figures whispers in the shadows

"Did you see what I saw, Zetsu-kun?" whispers one

"Yeah, I did. I can't believe Itachi really killed Kisame." said Zetsu.

"And I thought they were such good friends," said the other half of Zetsu.

"But did you SEE it? He puked his lungs out! I mean you don't see that every day," whispered the one is so annoying he must be Tobi.

"Yes Tobi, I saw it," black-half Zetsu replied, "But we are a cannibal who has a long history of eating people, I don't see how you keep forgetting that?"

"Yes, but did you SEE-

"YES TOBI WE F*****G SAW IT!" yelled white-half Zetsu.

"Quiet, Zetsu-kun, Itachi might hear us," whispered Tobi.

Both halves of Zetsu do a face-palm.

"Anyway down to business," whispers black-half Zetsu.

Zetsu creeps toward Kisame's corpse and closes his venus fly-trap head around it. After a few minutes of disturbing crunching, the fly-trap opens with the corpse gone.

"We should report this to Leader-sama," whispers Tobi.

"Yes, we should," whispers black-half Zetsu, "but one of us also needs to trail Itachi."

"All right," says white-half Zetsu, "but its always so hard being apart from you."

"Shut up you baby and just get it over with," says black-half Zetsu.

Zetsu splits in half, with one half black and one half white.

"I never knew you guys were twins!" cries Tobi.

Double face-palm

Later at the Akatsuki meeting in a familiar cave behind a waterfall…

A group of flickering, transparent figures wearing cloaks with a red cloud pattern stood in a circle in the middle of the cave.

"Is everyone here?" asked Pain.

"It would appear so," replied Konan.

"So what is this meeting about anyway?" asked black-half Zetsu, the one assigned to go to the meeting.

"We need to deal with Itachi," replied Pain.

"Bah, shouldn't we be going after the remaining Jinchuriki?" asked Hidan, "That's a hell of a lot more exciting than going after Itachi."

"I'll go! I hate Itachi!" Deidara cried willingly.

"Ohhhh! Pick me! Pick me! I want to go with Deidara-sempai!" Tobi cried jumping up and down with excitement.

"Well, you are his partner, so you have permission to go." Said Konan, annoyed by the orange-masked optimist.

"Try not to completely destroy him," added Kakuzu, "remember he needs to be recognizable to get the bounty for his head."

"All right, meeting adjourned," Pain said.

The transparent figures vanished, leaving the waterfall cave empty and quiet.

**This fan fiction is taking place after Sasori died, but before the death of Hidan and Kakuzu. If you don't like it stop reading! More on the way and REVIEW! **


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I STILL do not own Naruto.

Itachi arrived in Konoha in the dead of night. He silently crept into the shop of Nekobaa and found the old cat woman herself, waiting with a sack of supplies in front of her.

"Greetings, Itachi," Nekobaa called.

"Were you expecting me?" Itachi asked.

"Yes, ever since we heard of your leaving of the Akatsuki. Sasuke and I have missed you so much," She replied.

"You've missed me?" Itachi asked, unsure of what was happening.

"Oh course, you were always my favorite Uchiha to help and I missed you terribly when you went missing," She continued, "I take it you just want to take the supplies and go?"

"If that is acceptable, then yes," Itachi said.

"Could I come with you?" Nekobaa asked suddenly.

"Aaahhhhh, no." Itachi replied.

"But I could help you with your injuries and sell you products at a discount price!" Nekobaa cried desperately.

"No, no, I really don't need your help," Itachi said hurriedly.

"But Itachi, I…" Nekobaa began. But Itachi had already vanished along with the supplies.

"Nuts! They always leave before we get to the good part," Nekobaa mumbled to herself dejectedly.

"Grandma, are you talking to yourself again?" Tamaki yelled from her bunk.

"No, no, dear. Grandma's just going through one of her phases again," Nekobaa yelled back as she climbed back into bed.

The next day Itachi was wandering through the forest when he came across a strange sight. A basket of ramen cups and rice was sitting at the base of a tree with a rope tied in a loop around it to catch anyone who tried to take the food.

"Who could be so stupid to try a trap like this?" Itachi thought.

Itachi stared at the basket for several minutes.

"Will you just hurry up and take the bait?" someone yelled from the trees.

With lightning quick reflexes, Itachi threw a kunai at the spot where the voice had come from. An orange blur flew from the tree and landed in front of Itachi, followed by a pink blur coming from a separate tree.

"I told you it wouldn't work," said Sakura.

"It would have worked on Kakashi," Naruto mumbled.

"What are you doing here, Naruto?" Itachi asked annoyed. "Are you here to use me in some insane scheme to get Sasuke to come back to Konoha?"

"Um… Maybe?" Naruto said hopefully.

"Haven't you noticed those never work." Itachi said.

"I told you I wasn't the only one who thought so," said Sakura.

Suddenly from behind Itachi Naruto and Sakura saw someone rushing toward them. It was Sasuke!

"Sasuke! Sasuke!" they cried with overwhelming happiness.

The pair ran full speed toward their long lost comrade and… hit a tree.

"Damn Genjutsu," Naruto yelled, now realizing Itachi had tricked them and left.

Another average day in the life of Itachi, the runaway, missing, rogue ninja.

**More on the way and REVIEW, the plot bunnies are starving! What kind of people are you?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

One day Sasuke was wandering through the forest surrounding Orochimaru's hideout. He soon came across a relaxing clearing with a delicious looking berry bush in it and just as he was about to start to eat them…

"Sasuke! Wait! Don't eat those berries!"

As Sasuke turned around drawing his sword, he tackled in a friendly hug.

"I missed you, Sasuke," Itachi whispered in his long-lost brother's ear.

"Get the fuck off of he," Sasuke whispered trying to hide his disgust.

Itachi rolled off and stood slowly to face Sasuke who had quickly jumped up.

"I hate you! YAAAAaaaaaaaaaa!" Sasuke yelled as he charged with his sword.

Itachi playfully jumped out of the way. "Is that any way to greet your big brother?" Itachi asked as he pushed Sasuke back to the ground.

"But, but… I don't understand. I thought I was supposed to hate you…" Sasuke said dejectedly.

"Oh I just made that up to help you get stronger," Itachi said grinning.

Sasuke stared open-mouthed. "You realize I threw away my friends so that I could become strong enough to defeat you, right?" Sasuke asked.

"That's right!" Itachi said happily. "Oh! Here comes Orochimaru! I'll see you later, little brother!" Itachi skipped off into the trees.

"!" Sasuke cried, just as he had all those years ago when Itachi had murdered their clan.

"Are you okay?" Orochimaru asked as he rushed into the clearing.

"I fell down." Sasuke said.

"Do you need a kiss for that boo-boo?" Orochimaru asked.

"Yes," replied Sasuke.

Orochimaru knelt down and picked Sasuke like a newborn child. "I'll take you back to the hideout so we can get a bandage on that cut."

"And then can we have story-time?" Sasuke asked excitedly.

"Yes, yes, but only after you kill 20 more ninja." Orochimaru replied.

"Oh boy!" Sasuke cried as they left the clearing.

As Itachi found a spot to rest in the woods, he came across an ideal place with a sleeping bag and glass of milk all ready as if waiting for him.

"Yay!" cried Itachi as he drained the glass and snuggled into bed.

A few hours later…

Tobi marched back into the clearing. "Ah, all the traps for Itachi are ready and time for a good night's sleep." Tobi said stretching.

Suddenly Tobi noticed the empty glass. "Someone's been drinking my milk!" Tobi cried. "And someone is sleeping in my bed!"

Tobi poked the sleeping figure with a stick. "I guess he's not moving," Tobi said, "I'll just have to sleep with Deidara-sempai!" And he marched off in search Deidara.

The next morning Itachi awoke after a good night's rest. "Aaaaaahhhhh. Good morning world! Good morning Sun! Good morning Tobi and Deidara!" Itachi said. "Wait a second. Tobi and Deidara?" Itachi turned to find them standing behind him.

"We've got you know! You'll never escape our dangerous traps!" Deidara cried as he pushed the trigger for his explosives. Nothing happened.

"Why didn't he blow up, Tobi," Deidara whispered to Tobi.

"The traps are in the next clearing, sempai," Tobi whispered to Deidara.

"That's where our camp is, you idiot!" Deidara screamed.

"Tobi think its time to go!" Tobi called as he ran off into the woods.

"You're not getting away that easily!" Deidara yelled as he ran after him.

Itachi watched them go in wonder. "I'm glad I never had to work with Tobi," he mumbled to himself and set off on his journey again.

**That's all. For now. More REVIEWS please. More coming. You know the drill.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I Don't own Naruto**

One evening:

Sasuke was wandering through the forest outside of another of Orochimaru's hideout. Sasuke soon came across a gigantic lake and was feeling quite thirsty. "I'll just take a quick drink and then head back to Orochimaru," Sasuke thought to himself. But just as he leaned over to take a drink from the water…

"Hello again, Sasuke," said Itachi, whose head had just risen from the lake. "I see you had the same idea I did, but there is something I should warn you about." Itachi held up a leech currently sucking on his arm. "There are a few troublesome pests in this particular body of water."

Before Sasuke could respond to the leech, another head rose from the water. "Hello there, Itachi" said an old woman who could only be Nekobaa.

"What are you doing here?" Itachi cried, splashing away from her.

"I've been following you since you left my shop," she replied.

While Itachi was distracted, Sasuke quietly backed away into the forest. Just as Sasuke left the clearing, another head popped up. 

"Aaaahhhhhh, Tobi sure does like water," said the masked face named Tobi.

"WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING OVER HERE, TOBI!" yelled a very angry sounding Deidara as he crashed through the trees.

"Tobi was just relaxing in the water," Tobi replied.

"Well we need to get going…" Deidara trailed off as he looked behind Tobi. "Aha! Found you, Itachi!" Deidara pulled out a kunai.

But just before Deidara threw his kunai, a net sprung from underneath the lake, pulling Itachi, Nekobaa, and Tobi up into the air.

"Cha! We did it, Naruto! We did it!" Sakura cried as she ran into the clearing. "Wait a minute that's not Sasuke-ku." She looked around, but the clearing surrounding the lake was empty except for two logs. "But then who did we catch?" She wondered.

"TOBI IS FEELING CLAUSTROPHOBIC!" Tobi cried as he struggled to get out of the net.

As Sakura looked around to the other side of the net, she saw only an old woman. "I thought we had captured three people," She muttered in confusion. To her right she heard a rustle in the bushes and suddenly the orange masked man was gone. "How does this keep happening?" Sakura wondered.

"Did we capture Sasuke, Sakura?" asked Naruto as he wondered into the clearing.

"No, just this old woman…" Sakura replied as she turned around and saw the entire net had disappeared. "*Sigh* Never mind. Our plan failed just like last time. And the time before. And the time before that. In fact, every single attempt to bring Sasuke back to Konoha have failed."

"Now that I think about it….. I believe that's true," Naruto replied sadly.

"Maybe we should just give up." Said Sakura.

"No, I don't believe we can't just give up like that. I believe we need to keep trying no matter what Sasuke or anyone else says!" Naruto shouted as he ran into the forest.

"Whatever, Naruto," Sakura mumbled as she scuffled after him.

"That was a close one," Itachi thought as he jumped from tree to tree through the forest. Suddenly Deidara sprung up next to Itachi. "I found you again and this time your going down," he cried with hint of madness in his voice. Itachi turned, triggered his Sharingan, and Deidara was engulfed in the black flames of Amaterasu. "Finally, that guy was really starting to get on my nerves." Itachi thought to himself.

Earlier:

"I'm going to go ahead and finish off Itachi once and for all!" Deidara told Tobi. "And you are going to stay here and not help me at all. You got that?"

"Got It!" Tobi replied cheerfully.

Tobi watched as Deidara caught up to Itachi. Then he watched as Deidara fell to the ground covered in black flames.

Tobi quickly leaped over to Deidara and knelt down next to him.

"Are you okay, Deidara-sempai?" Tobi asked.

"No, I don't think I'm going to make it, Tobi," Deidara replied weakly. "You'll have to continue on without me."

"I'll miss you, sempai," Tobi sniffed.

"I'll miss you, too," Deidara whispered. He held out his hand. "Here's something to remember me by." In his hand was his trademark explosive spider.

"I'll treasure it always," Tobi said quietly.

Slowly Deidara slumped. Then, the flames stopped burning and Deidara was gone.

**Sorry about the sad ending but keep reviewing. The plot bunnies do enjoy their food.**


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